Understanding four ways of loving
- Personal Love
- Spiritual Love
- Active Love
- Passive Love
The concept of live can be confusing.
Just because someone has loving feelings does not mean they know how to behave in a loving way. Although we may love someone, we may also be aware that this person is not good for us. The concept of love is so convoluted these days that I felt a need to put these concepts into some kind of balanced and intelligent form.
Healthy love must have healthy boundaries.
There is a great deal of confusion about what love is. When the concept of love is broken down in the four ways as listed above, anyone can know which form of love is being practiced at any moment. Living in the world of duality everything will have an active side and a passive side. Everything will have a higher spiritual side and a lower personal side. Neither side is good or bad just as hot is not worst than cold or inside is better than outside.
The understanding of love needs to be defined so we know what we are dealing with. Then we can make a clear assessment about the loving interactions we are engaged in concerning relationships with ones self and others. Throughout the day we will be fluctuating between all four concepts expressed above. Let’s explore what they are.
Personal love has to do with our personal preference. You may like very hot food while your friend can only tolerate mild. You may love dancing naked in front of a bunch of people while your friend may only want to quietly watch. We must know our personal boundaries so we can respect other peoples boundaries.
Personal love is personal.
Some people are possessive. Who they love belongs to them: “My wife, my kids”. This is where we learn how to set personal limits. Through personal love we will learn to have boundaries. We must learn to say yes or no, I like this or I don’t like that.
One person may want to invite all kinds of people home for shelter and food. They even treat their own family as friends. Having political or social meetings would be the way of this person’s home.
Another person wants quiet and alone time at home. Privacy means everything. Other people’s energy may be too distracting and disturbing. The home needs to be a santuary.
We must learn about what make it for us. We need to know what our personal needs are. We must also respect the needs of another and negotiate between the two of you.
You have rights to be you.
We have the right to wear what fits us. Small, medium or large we need to know our size so you feel right and good emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. In this way we can take care of ourself and respect other people’s choices. We all must be able to learn from our choices be they good or bad. To sense what is right and wrong for our personal evolution we must know our unique tastes, style and passions. We are one of the many parts of the Oneness. We must respect our unique needs. In this way your partner will know what will make you happy or sad.
Discover your own drummer.
Imagine beating against a drum. Only by striking it can we hear the sounds we can make. By our actions on the drum we can hear how we sound. This is how we learn to play. We start inexperienced. With practice we improve. When we are good enough we can play with others in a band. We will develop our own personal style. Then you will know who you can drum with.
Personal love starts with knowing who you are and what you enjoy, believe in and what turns you on. Understanding your Astrology Chart can clearly define what your life needs.
- What you need in life.
- What make you happy.
- What type of person you are looking for.
- What the goals of your partnership should be.
- What path gets you closer to Spirit.
- What are your inner conflicts.
Know your limitations.
With each lifetime we get to learn about another set of limits. In your last life you may have been an extreme outdoor mountain climber. This time you come back to discover what creating a family and home is about. Everyone has come back to discover another aspect of the Divine plan for you. Check out the 12 Astrological tribes at the bottom of the site. Each tribe is a reflection of one specific sign.
Learn now perception can change.
The Buddha was once asked how many life times he had lived before becoming enlightened as they sat under the bodhi tree. The Buddha said, “More than the number of leaves on this tree.” The bodhi tree that has millions of small leaves. Some of those life times may have been off planet or inter-dimensional. Who knows.
In my younger years I thought this world was hell. And Ya Know? It was. Then I learned about that hell and found that this world is heaven. And Ya Know? It is. Back then I wanted to get off this planet and get off the wheel of hell and never incarnate again. Now I want to be of service to the Divine and help others discover their path back to their Divinity. I wish to become a Bodhisattva. After all, those many leaves of the bodhi tree will be like a flash of memory that disappears into the blissful light of the Oneness. I learned about Spiritual love.
Our Heart of God (Spiritual Love) wants to love all.
- Here there is no judgment nor duality.
- Spiritual love is all inclusive.
- It is living in a state of appreciation.
- Gratitude fills the Spiritual love’s heart.
- It helps make the human heart big enough to hold the hearts of all humanity.
- Spiritual love is the DNA of the Divine that designs us to be able to forgive and care for all creation.
- It is The Oneness size that fits All-That-Is.
When we practice Spiritual love we will move away from anger, frustration and seperation. A person we had a deep personal love relationship with can be shifted into the category of Spiritual Love. Friendship is about spiritual love. This person we once loved personally is now part of our human experiment. We appreciate that person for helping us grow. We all need love. We all make our mistakes and we all deserve love even if it is not personal. We may even dislike someone. But that person still deserves Spiritual Love.
- Spiritual love allows us the practice of compassion and empathy toward an other.
- We respect the other person’s right to be themselves.
- We learn how to understand the other person.
- We send them healing energy.
- We wish them wisdom and evolution.
- We wish them sanity.
- We wish them a connection to their Higher Self.
- Active love requires discipline, empathy, compassion and involvement.
- In active love we practice non-violent communication.
- We learn ways of becoming a better person.
- Active love means we are there to understand the other person.
- We actively learn how to support that person to become fulfilled and healthy.
- We must also practice Active love with ourself. Often times we will treat others better than we treat ourself. They win and you lose. That is not Active love. That is co-dependence.
In Active love we listen and really get to know the heart and soul of who the person is. We need to understand where that person is coming from especially when it is difficult to hear. Even though their belief system may not agree with us, must still try to understand and educate our critical self to open up to other ideas. We must respect what the other person believes even if we don’t agree. To them it is their truth. It may not be yours and that is OK. We must make room for them to speak their truth. No attacks and counter arguments while they speak. Relax your body and voice while listening. This takes a lot of hard work, a lot of dicipline to practice Active Love.
Ask yourself if you are treating others in this manner? Are you being treated with Active Love in your relationships? Are you treating yourself with Active Love? It is a shame how hard we can be on ourself.
Active love is about:
- Making it safe for the other to speak.
Actively listen to yourself
You must listen to your own feelings, thoughts and body sense reactions to any situation as well. We need to understand these feelings, thoughts and body sense reactions. We need to respect what those feelings, thoughts and body senses are trying to tell us. Then you will learn about yourself. Then you will treat yourself with active love.
Respect our personal needs
Your life belongs to you. All beings need to be part of a tribe and yet they also need to recognize themselves as unique individuals. However, family and friends want us to live according to what they believe is right. Those who “love” us will want us to continue in the ways and beliefs of their tribe, social group or family. The contribution of your uniqueness to the rules of the tribe can cause conflict if they don’t understand what is especially right for you. That is where they need to practice Active love with you. Just as with a healthy body, all body parts and organs are specialized in their functioning. All parts must be respected, heard, understood, made safe and supported.
- Passive love is easy.
- We just sit back and enjoy.
- Nothing to do.
- We just want to be with that energy.
- We like what we are receiving.
- We give back by being thankful.
Passive love is like the joyful feelings of a child. We give to a child. The child smiles and jumps up and down with appreciation. We feel good that we made them happy. They love what we give them. They are happy about what they receive. We see a beautiful sunset or large-eyed kittens or something cute; we love that. Our hearts fill with joy. We just want to give a big hug to pull that energy into our hearts even deeper. It is a wonderful feeling to allow beauty to come into our hearts. When someone is giving to us what makes us happy, we get to practice passive love.
Putting it all together
The joy of recieving romantic love is absolutely addictive. We just want more of it. Romantic love is childlike. We are in a constant state of celebration and opening up to the dreams being woven. We are at our best. We give each other appreciation for being able to be special to each other. We are in a dream bubble and believe nothing can break us apart. The challenge comes when our uniqueness comes through. Now we need to practice Active Love to keep the trust built through romantic love alive.
You must become a conscious, objective being to practice Active Love. Active Love is an act of recieving who the other person is. Active Love is about getting to know the other person as a separate being. We need to notice if the person we are in love with is able to practice Active Love with us. It can be scary or even intrusive when someone really wants to listen to you, understand who you are, respect your differences and make you feel safe to share. Can you tell the truth without being judged and rejected? This is the test of the relationship. Passive love, on the other hand, is just about recieveing without effort. It willingly merges with what feels good.
- Personal Love allows us to know what works for us and what doesn’t. What do you two share that is similar and builds around differences with respectful commitment?
- Spiritual Love allows us to give the other space so they can be themselves. This way we can still come from a place of Divine appreciation for having that person in our lives. Either the lesson is finished or is being worked on.
- Active Love has us practicing the discipline of listening, understanding, respecting and making the other person feel safe to express themselves. That way we get to know them as unique beings.
- Passive Love is the ability to enjoy the other person. We can let the other persons’ gifts be appreciated.